Des' Heuristics

1. The only person you can help is yourself.
   Corollaries:
   1. Nobody else can help you.
   2. If you can't help yourself, you can't help anybody.


2. If you can't communicate with someone without using a go-between, you shouldn't be pursuing a relationship in the first place, be it friendship or romance.
   Corollaries:
   1. Don't be a go-between.


3. Nobody actually eats cucumbers.


4. If you need a reason to start a relationship, you're starting it for the wrong reason.


5. The Universe is absolutely relative.


6. We're all just trapped in our teeny little brains; there's more out there than we can possibly begin to understand in just a single life.


7. Maybe things will work out for the best, and maybe they won't ... but they certainly won't stay the same.


8. Without the bad things in life -- the pain, the suffering, the angst -- we cannot appreciate all that is good. Good and bad are relative; we can only perceive them as the contrast between the two.


9. Anyone you are interested in will, of course, already have a significant other. Anyone you are most definitely NOT interested in will be interested in you.
   Corollaries:
   1. If they're not taken, they're gay, or lesbian, or straight, or whatever.
   2. If they're not gay/lesbian/straight, they have bad breath or toenail fungus.


10. Theory is useless without practice.
    Corollaries:
    1. Practice begets theories, not the other way around.
    2. In theory, there's no difference between theory and practice. In practice ... well, you get the idea. [Need a source for this first part of this, since it's a quote.]
    3. Talk is no substitute for direct experience.


11. 99% of the world's population are complete fucking morons, at least some of the time.


12. Nobody knows what reality is. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying or trying to sell you something.
    Corollaries:
    1. When someone talks about "God", they're actually talking about themselves.


13. Humans have amazing powers of denial and rationalization.
    Corollaries:
    1. You can't be honest with anyone else until you are honest with yourself.
    2. Try to be honest with yourself. I say "try", because the chances of you actually doing so are vanishingly small.


14. Writing is sometimes a very necessary intermediate step on the path from idea to working implementation. [ LJ ]
    Corollaries:
    1. English is like, the most flexible prototyping language ever.


15. Cheating [at card games] is like taking poetry and adding extra syllables -- you just don't do it.


16. Companionship is a Good Thing, even if momentary and nothing meaningful is communicated.


17. Not only is Life made up of Baby Steps, Life is only made up of Baby Steps. [ LJ ]
    Corollaries:
    1. There are no Big Decisions. There are merely lots of small ones which, viewed collectively, look somewhat like a big one that's fuzzy around the edges.
    2. Some small decisions may have Big Consequences.


18. Sometimes the Right Thing To Do is give up and throw an exception.


19. Part of thinking is knowing when to stop. [ LJ ]


20. A certain, healthy distance is imperative in any relationship, no matter how close.


21. If you are missing something within yourself, you won't find it by looking in someone else.